My plan or culture rant

the following is the reworking of a rant i wrote a few weeks ago. at the time, it left the reader very confused, more so than it does now. since then, i have rewritten it, trying to convey the feeling without causing added confusion. i hope it is now somewhat understandable. i would say enjoy, ...but thats not the point of this post.


I know that I have never “fit in” exactly, but its about to get worse, or better depending on how you look at it. I don’t want to fit in at all any more.

I am dealing with major culture shock now. Still. Whatever. I never had a problem with consumerism before, but as I drive down the road I see the little boxes(stores) with things for people to buy(merchandise) with lights screaming for attention(signs). This is the country I have defended? What is wrong with my country? My culture? I see people trying to “survive”, but I find that they define the term different here than somewhere else. Here surviving is living comfortably and conveniently, keeping up with technology, etc. Forgive me, but I thought surviving meant “not dying”. That’s what in means in much of Uganda. There people want to make enough for everyone in the family to have the basic needs met and preferably to send the kids to school. Here people don’t think they are surviving unless they have the latest cell phone or whatever little gadget they consider to be essential. And a car, preferably a SUV which will survive the apocalypse should it come. And a living space tastefully decorated with an artistic kitchen for the feeding of the all-judging stomach.

Most people here have a definitive plan for their life, even if they don’t acknowledge it. And, for the most part, it looks like this; go to school and get as many degrees as possible, get a career, get a nice box/house, have a family, drive in a nice little box/car back and forth between all the buildings which comprise life. Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky… (if this doesn’t make sense, go watch the theme song for Weeds).

Yes, I realize I am overdoing it a bit. I do that to make a point. My country is ridiculous. Having those things isn’t ridiculous, it’s the “necessity” of such things which I call into question. Its not wrong to have or want such things. I ask only that you consider your dependence on whatever you have and at the very least come to a new gratitude for what you have.

That being said, I then considered the Christians living in this culture. What I find worse than watching how my culture lives is to see the Christians living the same way. I cant see much difference in their actions or anything else most of the time. And that makes me sad, no, it makes me weep. Those are my people. The ones set apart. Living in the world but not of it. …Really? Or has that line gotten blurred so much as to become invisible to the unpracticed eye. (my eyes are out of practice in this sort of distinguishing – that’s what happens when you leave a culture for a while). If you have to have an intellectual map to distinguish Christians from non, then there is a problem. A major problem.

There is something very wrong – it hurts to watch. People who acknowledge the problem rarely see a solution – that hurts even more. Those people, seeing no solution, deaden themselves to the problem – that hurts worst of all.

Because of how I see my culture now, I see also that I cannot fit it to this culture anymore, not that I ever really did. I guess what I am trying to say is this; God forbid that I ever fit into this culture. It would be just as bad to fit into the counter culture. So what then? I ask that God give me something radically different, so different that I can never fit in any of the categories. God forbid that I live life by a plan directed toward comfort and convenience. Putting me in such a box would shut down my heart, spirit, mod, whatever your term for it is. My heart is awake – but it hurts to look around America.

My goal is not to make money – even though making money is useful and makes life much easier. I wont turn down money on principle. I neither seek it nor reject it because money is not my focus. Same with fame, knowledge, power, human love. I will neither seek nor reject them. Come what may, I do not need that which God does not give me. Nor is my goal to seek out those who are like me, or think like me, or believe like me. We are spread out for a reason. (still figuring out the reason). I would love to meet others like me, but that’s not the point of my life.

I want something different. Something radically different. So different that I cant fit in. that there are no worldly terms to describe it anymore. I want a life where my plan is to trust God – that He will lead me thru life one step at a time. What job to have, where to live, who to talk to, how to live. I want my one goal and priority to be to trust God and that He will make everything else work out.

No, this doesn’t mean I am going to join a commune or live on the streets waiting for manna (or money) to fall out of the sky. Just that I follow His lead in everything I do or decide.